Social studies: people you shouldn’t party with

It’s mid-December, New Year’s Eve is coming… Normally I would be already panicking about where and with whom will I spend it (at least not about when xD), why I haven’t got any invitations yet or why I got 3 of them and thus where should I finally go. Or where to go first: it happened to me a couple of times that I was taking a taxi (and hoping that the driver did not celebrate) and changing the party in the middle of the night just to party with two groups of friends. It makes it so much easier that this year I will be on the other continent and even other hemisphere. Anyway…

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I’m very nostalgic about this pic… It was taken when I just started uni, now I’m almost graduated!

New Year’s Eve = party. And I guess you can imagine how I party. I rarely say no to alcohol, I do not wear high-heels just to be able to dance all night long, I make new friends in 5 minutes even when I’m sober, I was once called a party-commando (komendant melanżu). And just to remind you – I still am super responsible, ambitious and perfectly deal with my life.

But as I get older, I search for more value in the party itself. If it’s not enough fun, it’s not worth it to be hungover the next morning. I will never say no to a proper latino party, electronic music concert or a silent disco, but I will not go out on Friday night if it is just another pop clubbing. Unless I am really emotionally wasted after the whole work-week and REALLY need to get drunk and dance it all away (happened last Friday).

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Latino party in Warsaw with a real Latin friend!

And about the people – I have my partners in crime. Great team for latino party. Another one for student parties and karaoke in the pub. Another for in-house parties. And another just to hang out in the bar. But we all know those people…

Five types of people you don’t want to party with

  1. Johnny Bravo – and ‘the more muscles, the less brain’ rule starts to make sense. His ‘personality’ and self-confidence grow proportionally to the amount of alcohol he drank. He hits on literally EVERYONE who has boobs. The problem starts when the boobs-owner has a boyfriend… The Polish know the concept of Sebix – bold guy, always wearing sport pants with enough stripes, biggest fan of sport (or beating up the supporters of the other team), art (or rather painting penises on the neighbor’s wall) and poetry (*%#$!@ #@$&*$% is the most honest compliment you can get from him). On Fridays Sebix changes his sport pants for jeans and hits the dancefloor, just to find the woman of his life (or night). And the way he tries to pick her up is usually at least… primitive. If you have a bad luck to be his goal, you need to run fast. But Sebix likes boxing too, so make sure your boyfriend does not stay on his way. Well, actually any reason is good to fight. Hey, didn’t that guy took your place in line to the cloak room by any chance?!

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    This year’s Halloween and our costumes for 3€
  2. Drama queen – exactly my type of girl. High-heels as long as her artificial nails. So much make up that you hardly see her face from underneath. There are other things you can see since her skirt is far too short, though. The queen usually goes around with 2 or 3 friends of her type, but she plays the first fiddle. No matter if she is happy, sad or angry, she has to inform about it loud enough to make everyone around know about it. You can best hear her in the girls bathroom or in the night bus, when she is already drunk, coming back home and loudly going through even more drama which happened during her night out.
  3. Online-party unit – depending on sex: or typical male nerd who goes through the newest mems or plays Snake in the middle of the party, or a girl who, drunk enough, calls and messages her ex boyfriends. It’s not easy to assess which one of them is a worse loser… Each of them drinks too much and does not socialize enough. Instead of talking to people, they glue themselves to the smartphone screen, as I do it in the morning tram to avoid contact with the rest of universe unenthusiastically commuting with me.

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    With A&O – the best party companions I’ve ever had! Silent disco in the beginning of this academic year.
  4. Your worst uncle – anyone who has been to a wedding at least once, knows what I mean. Do you remember this uncle who pinched your cheeks the strongest when you were a kid? Imagine how annoying he gets when he is drunk. As subtle as atomic bombing, as funny as socks with sandals. He does not take no for an answer when it comes to drinking or dancing. Dancing one rhythm no matter what the beat is, of course. He knows ALL the short folk songs (Jeszcze po kropelce, jeszcze po kropelce…) and he stays at the parties much longer than he should.
  5. Photographer and the DJ – two different types, but annoying in the same category. Photographer will take a picture with camera, phone, toaster, calculator or even a fridge, if he succeeds. He will take a selfie with EVERYONE in the room (usually to show off on Facebook that he ‘has friends’). And the more drunk you all are, the more pictures he will take. DJ, on the other hand, will always push his way to the speaker/laptop to play ‘this one great song’. He doesn’t care that it’s great just for him…

Do you know these people? Don’t invite them to your NYE party.

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The real lady… Decides to wear make up when already at the party XD

Let’s talk about…

You need 20 minutes to cook rice. 1 hour and 40 minutes to reach Warsaw from Łódź by train. 2 minutes to brush your teeth in the morning. At least 40 minutes to watch an episode of a series.

Why am I writing this? Because all those activities have strictly determined time which you need to succeed. If you cook rice for 1 hour and 40 minutes, you will rather burn it and if you leave the train to Warsaw after 20 minutes, you will end up in Koluszki. But there are different activities and different activities. And how much time do you need to talk?

(c) Bence Fejes

I rarely shut up. Yes, I talk a lot. Really A LOT. There are not many people I feel comfortable with in silence, so I also often keep speaking just to fill the gap in a conversation. There are a few people who talk much more than me, but in 90% of cases – I am the soul of the conversation.

Can I stay silent? Yes, also. When I don’t know what to say, I would rather say nothing than say anything stupid, inconsiderate or unreasonable. ‘If you don’t know how to act, act decent‘ (‘Jeśli nie wiesz jak się zachować, zachowaj się przyzwoicie‘) – that’s what I derived from home, and I stick to that.

There are no guidelines how much we should talk. Some people are happy with 1 hour a day, some get bored after 10 minutes, others will not have enough after 15 hours.

There are some norms. I’ve noticed that I do not discuss even the most serious topics with my male friends for longer than 20 minutes straight, while I can talk about it to girls for hours. Guys are handy when it comes to finding a quick, obvious and usually the best solution, while girls – when you just need to analyze every single small detail, deal with something in your head. Of course it is generalizing, another gender stereotype, but this comes from my experience.

(c) Bence Fejes

I don’t think we talk enough nowadays. There is too much of WhatsApp, Messenger, Viver, SMS and Snapchat every day. And yes, I excessively do it too.. Partially because I have friends in all the countries and all the time-zones now, but also because it’s just quick and comfortable… I hate it, but I will rather chat instead of going out on a rainy day, if the matter to be discussed is not very serious. But I try to limit the usage of my phone to absolutely neceserry, strategic and logistic conversations: where and when we meet, what is the homework for tomorrow, how much money do I owe you, when is the exam. I guess that my two longest relationships fall apart partially because of fixing too many things chatting instead of talking (but that’s just searching for the pattern) – my needs of human-human interaction were not satisfied.

Since some time I am learning how to listen. I can point out an exact moment when I realized that I suck at it. It was June this year, I just came back from Erasmus in Sweden, was super-charged (or overloaded) with positive energy, needed to constantly talk and shine with how great I feel. I went to Rome for holidays, and there – surrounded with charizmatic and energetic, but level-headed Italians I’ve heard things like ‘– For Christ sake, why are you planning so much? Every single minute in nearest week! Can you just calm down? Listen to the sea and wind? Let it go? Flow? Say just thing which can change the world? It’s all complicated enough, why to overanalyze it?‘. And then I realized that it’s true. I needed too much of control.

(c) Bence Fejes

Since June, while talking, I often keep the track of how much I’m speaking, if there are enough questions per statements in what I’m saying, if I let another person talk, if I allow breaks to catch the breath, if I don’t jump from topic to topic. I guess I increased my sensivitity, but hopefully – remained authentic.

There are no guide books ‘how to talk’ and maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think I derived enough of it from home. Conversations are about empathy, respect, flexibility and sensivity. I guess I just learnt it in my adult life, when I grew up to some level of maturity and responsibility for myself and others. If you have guideliness how to raise my future-possibly-existing children in a way that they can start having levelled, healthy, productive conversations earlier than me, let me know.

What to LIKE about autumn

It’s 5pm. Although it’s far too early to sleep, I am lying in bed under 3 blankets, with tea which Dad generously made me, sticking the nasal spray and the pack of tissues to my hand. Yes, I caught a cold again, like the third time this season (the older I get, the worse my immunity is, honestly). Not that I got a shot for influenza barely 2 weeks before… Well, life is life.

But instead of complaining about how much I hate autumn (yes, I do), I wanted to write what do I LIKE about it. Let’s try to be positive, it’s sh**ty enough outside to make it even worse with our grey and bitter faces.

(c) Bence Fejes – Mumbai is not as cold as autumn, but surely as wet!
  • Pumpkin spice latte – there is no better flavored coffee than that. Although I am a fan of americano or flat white (depending on the time of the day), pumpkin spice is the best when it’s rainy outside and you really admire yourself that you even got out of the house.
  • The trees are pretty – or at least they were a month ago. Every day walking to and from the public transport which takes me to the city centre, I pass Sowińskiego street, which is full of lindens growing along. It looks gorgeous in every season (from fluffy snow to fresh green buds), but it’s all so yellow there in October!
  • Wooly clothes – I personally own much more pieces of clothing I can wear October to March than April to September. All the huge blanket-like scarfs, decent heavy shoes, fluffy sweaters with funny patterns… It all looks as if everyone was a pillow you can hug!
  • Leafs to kick – I just love it. Kicking the leafs can release any kind of emotions – from anger to euphoria. Unless you kick the dog’s surprise… Than it results in anger.
  • Wine – I don’t know what happened to me recently, but I don’t remember the last time I drank a beer. It’s all about wine now! And when you offer me mulled wine with orange, I am all yours. With all the Christmas markets I recently attend, I guess I should get a backpack with thermos and straw to plug it directly to my mouth. I love mulled wine.
  • Netflix – during the summer it feels pathetic to spend time in front of your laptop and ANOTHER series or a movie. In autumn? I do not feel like social outcast staying at home.
  • Last but not least: one extra hour of your life – yes, I know we lose it back in the spring, but for the time being – I love the feeling of getting one more hour to do stuff. I am so busy that my day should last at least 30 hours and I still would fill it up, but this one hour is precious.

My approach to art

I tend to say that art is one of my hobbies, but what does it really mean? I don’t know much about it. I don’t know what is the historical background, symbolics, stream or general idea. Sometimes I can meddle with something, but most of the times I am pretty laical.

(c) Bence Fejes – real artist!

I just know if I like something or not and usually can give a valid reason for my opinion, however sometimes it’s just a feeling. I can tell you that I loved the exhibition I’ve been to last weekend (COMING OUT of the best graduates of Academy of Fine Arts in Warsaw, I truly recommend!) – it was fresh, innovative, I’ve seen many things I’d never seen before. The approach was young and untouched, dealing with what surrounds us: the aspect of refugees was mentioned so many times, I understood the perspective of all the authors cause I can put myself in their eyes and imagine what kind of people they are. Trivial thing, but I also loved being surprised so many times – something can be a simple idea, but I was so astonished and wondered so deeply HOW someone even came up with the idea to present the idea in this particular way.

One of my best friends (and the harshest critic of the blog ^^) is already the Bachelor of Arts in field of History of Art. Going with her to the museum or traveling is a pleasure – it’s like having a guide who will tell you only the most interesting things which you will surely memorize! And I am always so impressed how broadely she percepts art – I just usually see a pure pleasure, decoration, enterteinment in it!

(c) Bence Fejes

I can believe that many artists work the best while stoned, drunk or after an orgasm. I’ve even heard that huge Polish writers – Juliusz Słowacki or Stanisław Lem – took drugs while working on their masterpiece… I am really not surprised. Personally maybe I do not do better while drunk, but for sure I am more creative and with more vision and mission to put my ideas into words.

I could not be a fulltime arist. I just tried to plan my week 3 or 4 times and that is a huge step… I usually do it much more often, obsessively stick to my calendar and to-do lists and have panick attacks if I forget about something. I am really bad at working from home, lack of ideas frustrates me to the highest extend and the perspective of being dependent on someone’s opinion makes me feel sick.

I can’t say I am not creative. I keep writing since months and I love it. I am good at photography. I pay a lot of attention to the appearance and thoughtful design and content of my Instagram and Facebook accounts. Creativity helps me a lot in the field of engineering, since I like simple solutions. And I can not imagine pondering about ‘What did the author mean? What is the inner sense?’ all the time. No, it is simple. No, I could not be an artist. Could you? Are you?

Lanzarote – 5 días en el paraíso

I needed holidays. Not that I don’t need holidays any time you ask me J But now I needed them much more than usually, since Polish autumn is terribly gray, rainy, cold and does not influence my well-being positively. It was great to spend a couple of days in 25 degrees and the sunset coming around 7pm.


I am very lucky that my Mom does not drive a car and she needed a driver to take her for a road trip around the island – I had a chance to visit Lanzarote!


I don’t really understand why my Mother is so in love with the Canary Islands. It was great to be there for 5 days, enjoy the sun, lay down on the beach, drink sangria under palm trees and eat all the paella and tapas around, but I cannot imagine staying there for longer! It would be sooo boring! Unless you get an all-inclusive bracelet and have access to even more sangria…


There is not much more to my holidays than pure laziness, sunbathing, short swims in the ocean, 2 days of driving to the south and north sides of the island. I was astonished by Teguise – the old capital of the island, by Mirador del Rio – the viewpoint located high on the volcanic mountains with a great landscape, I loved the little sailors’ villages with all the shrimps and octopus I could eat. And I was super happy to drive – it turned out that you really do not forget it, although I have sold my car over 1.5 years ago and drove maybe twice since then. I also really enjoyed speaking Spanish – another thing I surprisingly do not forget.


There is not much to write about Lanzarote… Well, it’s not India 😀 Since I’ve already travelled and seen a bit of the world, my only comment is that it is funny to see a combination of the atmosphere of Maldives, architecture of Greece, society of southern Spain (fiesta siesta Spaniards & rich German tourists) with the Icelandic black deserts of volcanic ash and the horizon like on the moon.


One more thing – we should all learn to think positive from the Canarians. Whoever I asked ‘how is it to live in paradise’ told me ‘well, Lanzarote is amazing, but there are so many beautiful places all around!’. I bet that the standard Polish person would start complaining that it never snows and there are too many tourists.


I leave you with the gorgeous pictures – I am also lucky that my Mom is patient enough to contribute to the blog this way and take thousands of them (‘Mom! Help me do a head stand, that will look cool!’).




Hygge and lagom as a way of living

You know that I am pretty much influenced by Scandinavia. Erasmus in Sweden, several camping trips with my Dad to Norway, Iceland and Spitsbergen, a few episodes with Finland, lots of Scandinavian electronic music on my Spotify playlists and crime books on the eBook… Although I could not live there because of the climate (I wouldn’t survive the first winter with its darkness), I love the spirit, style, design and philosophy of the North.

I’m sure your familiar with the concept of hygge. It’s so famous and trendy that it became almost a cliche. Nevertheless, I am a fan.

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Typical minimalistic gift cards in Sweden. Well, everything is classy there.

For beginners – hygge is a Danish word used when acknowledging a feeling or moment, whether alone or with friends, at home or out, ordinary or extraordinary as cosy, charming or special. Denmark is said to be the happiest country in the world (although the toughest life story I’ve ever heard, including rape, unwanted pregnancy, adoption and a cancer comes from the Danish girl), so they have full right to sign this recipe.

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One of my last Instagram pictures before Erasmus, taken on my very instagrammable carpet.

I’ve got ‘The little book of Hygge. The Danish way to live well’ (a Bible of 2016) for last Christmas, just before going to Erasmus, to calm my nerves and help me settle in the new place. And it helped. Decorating my new room with maaany candles, fluffy blanket, flowers and a collection of souvenirs which I kept sticking on the wall through the whole semester helped me create a lovely atmosphere. And as much as I enjoyed crazy Erasmus parties, I also loved cooking dinners with different groups of friends (– Today Finnish pancakes after the class! – Next Tuesday Turkish dinner and dances at my place!) and just spending time with them, instead of watching Netflix at home. Or the first summer afternoons I spent with my roommate on her balcony, eating ice cream directly from the box, and trying to study at least a bit!

And now, when during grey, rainy and generally disgusting Autumn, I very often try to create this hygge atmosphere to survive the evenings when I’m not busy or not in mood to go out. I often light the candles and incense sticks I brought from India, roll myself in the red IKEA blanket like a burrito and just watch Netflix, read a book, catch up with other bloggers, write… And even though I am much more of an extrovert than an introvert, it gives me a lot of power too.

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Something can grow in Sweden and under my hands, indeed!

Few days ago my best friend dropped by to watch the new season of ‘Stranger Things’ together (well, I asked her to come cause I was too afraid to watch it alone – I get scared even on Harry Potter movies 😂). It was just lovely. We created a fortress in my bed, made lots of microwave popcorn (which we ate all during the first episode already) and a huge thermos of pepper mint two. And we watched, talking about which of the actors are handsome (Z. said Steve, I am more for Dustin when he grows up), which are totally ugly, and which ones just look lame because of the 80s hairstyle. Pure hygge. 

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A poster I’ve found in one bar in my city. Ear the dinner candle-lit, not with the light of the screen.

And lagom… I learnt it in Sweden and try to follow in every area of my life. Lagom means not too little, not too much, just perfect. Very Swedish thing (maybe a bit socialistic). It costs me a lot, sometimes I just cannot let something go and keep killing myself striving for perfection. I should chill that out. It’s never too little or too much of joy and happiness – we just need to feel the equilibrium in all we do and we will start perceiving our life as lagom.

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Sweden, oh Sweden…

And on this autumn evening I wish you all to keep this Scandinavian spirit in your mind. It makes you at ease, gives the feeling of fulfillment. Promise.

And now maybe not the most typical hygge playlist (probably you can also find it on Spotify), but MINE. For the evenings and long commuting.

All these sleepless nights – a movie about me

There are not many good Polish movies (I just always recommend Ida, Sala Samabójców and Dzień Świra, if you manage to find it with English subtitles), but this one rapidly jumped into my top list.

I was trying to find any review published by a voice influential enough to make it worth sharing, but apparently nothing like this exists (the movie must have not reach The Guardian, BBC and Huffington Post).

According to Variety, ‘a beautiful a portrait of not much at all as one could hope to find, captures the listlessness of Poland’s youth’.

Cast as an avatar for a nation of disaffected Polish twentysomethings, Krzysztof Bagiński has an amazing face. From some angles, it projects a vulnerable kind of curiosity, almost childlike as questioning eyes peer out from deep hollow sockets. Head-on, he could be Michelangelo’s David, with his broad cheeks and full lips, a question mark knit in the crease between his eyebrows. In profile, he suddenly takes on an almost Neanderthal appearance, as his heavy forehead pushes down on that sharp wedge of a nose.

Over the course of nearly two hours — compressed down from roughly a year in the life of its characters — “All These Sleepless Nights” gives us plenty of time to ponder Bagiński’s head from every angle, and to a lesser degree, the thoughts flickering inside it. Featuring a trio of real people more or less playing themselves, Michał Marczak’s quasi-documentary is breathtakingly beautiful at times, filmed in a style more reminiscent of recent Terrence Malick movies than anything reality-based as it floats at arm’s length behind Kris, best friend Michal (Michał Huszcza), and the girl they both covet, Eva (Eva Lebuef).

The whole article available: HERE.

What did this movie mean for me?

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Hel peninsula, Poland, 2013

I have seen it in the cinema, quite late after it was premiered), with J., one of my best friends, one of the most intelligent, supportive and patient ones. She has great taste, too.

This movie describes me totally. In every inch of my personality and life. I can see myself there like in the mirror. Well, ok. I’m not a man, I do not live in Warsaw. But I am a total Generation X kid, a Millenial.

I do not know what I want. Sometimes maybe I know, or feel that I know, what I do not want. I fear of missing out. I am an individual. I strive to be original. I wear, listen, read and watch alternative. I want the best.

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(c) Zuzanna Diehl – my gorgeous best best friend, a talented Interior Designer

My day? I wake up. I sometimes skip my breakfast to sleep longer. I choose my clothes, do perfect make-up. I follow fashion and never admit to that. I go to Starbucks and laugh it out loud. I secretly envy. I small talk. I follow the course of the day I planned scrupulously – work, studies, social life, self-development. Yoga, languages, gym, exhibitions. I live on Facebook. I sext. I use Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, AirBnb, WhatsApp, Messenger, FaceTime, Viber, Skype, Dropbox, Couchsurfing, TripAdvisor, LinkedIn on my iPhone. I am everywhere every time all the time. I eat what is cool. I know all the pubs popping up and still go to the same ones. I drink coffees with colleagues, beers with best friends, cocktails and wines with a date, vodka from the bottle with an empty wallet. I dance techno. I reject appreciation for usual massive pop music. Everything massive. I dance and dance and drink and dance. And collapse or not. And take Uber or a taxi. End up at home. Or not own home. I keep partying, I keep living. And then I sleep sleepless nights.

All these sleepless nights (Wszystkie nieprzespane noce) is a movie about me. Is it about you, too?

And at the end – some quotes from a trailer (my translation). And a theme song – I love it.

It’s said that if you accumulate together all the vital activities and put them in sequence, having sex would take around 7 months. 4 moths of regretting decision you made. 700 days of pretending someone you are not. Boredom – 2 years. And 17 hours of breaking up. F**k, 17 hours?! That is far too short.

I’ve always wanted to have a girlfriend who will impress me, to feel the challenge how f**king awesome I am to have such a girlfriend. Theoretically.

I think that through the fun we reach the vivaciousness.

[PL] Podobno jeśli sprowadzić wszystkie czynności życia i przeżywać je ciągiem, uprawianie seksu zajęłoby jakieś 7 miesięcy. 4 miesiące żałowania podjętych wcześniej decyzji. 700 dni udawania kogoś, kim się tak naprawdę nie jest. Nuda – 2 lata. I 17 godzin rozstań. Kurwa, 17 godzin?! To jest stanowczo za mało.

Zawsze chciałem mieć dziewczynę która będzie mi imponowała, żeby czuć wyzwanie jaki muszę być zajebisty, żeby mieć taką dziewczynę. Teoretycznie.

Myślę że przez zabawę właśnie osiągamy pełnię życia.